Why Do People in Good Relationships Cheat?

Why Do People in Good Relationships Cheat?

Infidelity is a common theme in some of the couples that I see in my practice.  The relationship that has been marred by infidelity but the couple is willing to work through and past the indiscretion.  This issue has been a discussion in marriage therapy sessions for decades.

Outsiders to the relationship may ask a lot of questions and so may the couple.  Why did the cheating happen in the first place?  Why is he/she choosing to stay in the relationship after being betrayed?  Can this happen in my relationship?  How can I avoid it?  Is it possible to recoup after betrayal?

Esther Perel is a couple’s therapist, a writer and a podcast host.  In her new book, “The State of Affairs”, Ms. Perel has examined cheating and infidelity from all different viewpoints: from the person who cheated, to the person who was cheated on and the person who was cheated with.

But how does a relationship come out stronger after an affair? One of the analagies she uses is that of having cancer. Per Ms. Perel “Go back to the metaphor of the illness. Nobody seems to question that when you have a life-threatening illness, it can change your perspective. It can help you reorganize your priorities, realize what you don’t want to lose, where you need to show up differently. That doesn’t mean that you recommend people to have cancer.”

It’s a very interesting perspective on cheating and what it does to our psyche.

In this article from the Washington Post, Ms. Perel discusses the key questions readers may be asking about infidelity after reading her novel, The State of Affairs.

An affair can be a galvanizing experience. It’s either: Break it or remake it.

If you find yourself in a relationship that has been changed by cheating or the idea of cheating, you may want to contact my office.  We can help.