Putting your spouse first isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.

Putting your spouse first isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.

 

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You and your family all care about each other and your children are treated well, right? But are there differing amounts of giving going around? Do the kids get more of your attention than you give each other?

You as parents may be tempted to make the children a priority, but in the end, your romantic relationship must be solid and caring before all else. This is hard to work at, especially when children are young. If you have a packed to-do list, great stress and resentment can occur if your own needs are not met. This is very common in marriages. Couples tend to forget that it all started with just the two of you, before children.

Try to remember, when kids see that you are happy, that will be a positive model for them to follow when they are in their own serious relationships. This alone,may give you motivation to work at it. Your children will learn how to be in a marriage, good or bad, by watching the adults in their lives navigate together.

Role modeling also applies to violence, drinking and verbal abuse. If those are tolerated or excused, a damaging pattern is set up for future relationships. A child who has witnessed abuse of any kind towards one spouse by another is more likely to repeat these behaviors.

You should nurture your relationship with your spouse, not only for the two of you – but also to be cognizant that your kids are more likely to re-create what they have grown up observing. You can show your kids that they can be happy in a committed relationship. They will follow your lead in life.

Counseling can be a great way to help reboot your relationship or address any negative damaging behaviors. It’s a place for you to work at things without the kids distracting you. We can help. Call Becker Counseling at 732-406-4422 today.