Who’s the Third Party in Your Marriage?

Who’s the Third Party in Your Marriage?

Jealous woman looking at her partner chatting on the phone

Do you feel like your marriage is in trouble? Is someONE or someTHING interfering in your relationship in a negative way? You may be the victim or you may be the perpetrator. But something is off. You’ve lost control – and it’s not just about the two of you anymore. If this is striking a chord, keep reading.

There are many factors that can affect a relationship and not always the obvious ones. You may feel abandoned or undervalued due to the loss of someone’s attention or because of decreased intimacy. Some catalysts are financial stress, technology abuse, an obsession with a hobby or a job that requires many hours away from home. An affair. A dedication to taking care of another loved one. An addiction of any type, like gambling or alcohol, and mental illness may be playing destructive roles. Or perhaps, even your children could be coming between you and your significant other. Also – grief. When one of you is grieving, it can definitely feel like an additional constant heavy presence in the room. The list of “third party intruders” is endless. Any and all of these things can be very destructive to a relationship.

“Triangles” in emotional relationships are formed when an outside party or thing becomes part of your connection with someone – or more like DISCONNECTION. Participating in this so-called “Triangulation” is a result of your or your partner’s refusal to recognize its contribution to the matters at hand. One may believe or use this extra element to take focus off another problem. It’s simply a coping mechanism and perpetuates avoiding existing issues that need to be addressed.

Paradoxically, someone’s anxiety is lowered by the addition of the third person or thing, which is the “benefit” of the triangle. Again – it’s just a way of avoiding what is right in front of you and needs to be dealt with head on.

Once you have acknowledged that there is a third party to be dealt with or at least cognizant of the collateral damage – the ultimate goal is to identify it and remove it from your marriage. The best way to do this is through counseling. As your therapist, we would work together to identify the negative influence over you and your partner and collectively choose positive ways to develop a healthier marriage.

Call or text Becker Counseling today at 732-406-4422.